Author: Amanda Viviers

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she is free

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Yesterday afternoon we sat together as group of girls, new friends, old friends, acquaintances, best friends and chatted together whilst watching the sun set over a wedding celebration.

These conversation made my day; new friends, stories swapped, difficulties shared.

Actually it has made my week.

How many times do we come away from a conversation with a group of women and feel anything but free?

Imagine this; a group of girls, glasses of wine in hand, chatting away and the result authentic stories filled with truth.

Gossip, criticism, comparison and competition doesn’t have to be the norm.

A group of women can listen, encourage, collaborate, plan, care, speak truth, share stories…

It is possible.

Freedom is at its best in my world when I am not comparing and competing with another.

My friend Karina you see, she is brilliant.

She is a leader, a wife, an outstanding program manager. She communicates fluently, she is innovative, she is wonderful. We spent the day together yesterday. Her man and mine. As couples we sat quietly reading, waiting, loving, chatting and not once did I feel inferior. Not once did I compare myself to her bright red dress and lips to match.

We are free.

Great, solid friends, where our time together is light, easy, fun.

We don’t live in each others pockets but we love to lead together.

Friendship filled with purpose.

The most beautiful reflection of how freedom can reign in friendships between women.

Have you ever felt really unsure about the whole friendship in the women zone?

I know it can be difficult.

I know you have probably been hurt.

I know we can do it better.

I know comparison and competition doesn’t need to be at the forefront of our conversations.

I know this, because I have seen it in action.

We can be free,

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self care revolution

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This morning my family and I ran.

I ran, for the first time in three years.

I saw tree’s I have never noticed before, I saw dogs and families loving the outdoors and life in full colour.

We tag teamed around the park and we ran our hearts out.

Self care is one of the most important revolutions that any family can embark upon but unfortunately we just keep going and going till we drop. Excercise is a form of self care. Also eating simple, healthy foods to nourish our bodies. Sleep, time out, reading, reflecting, hoping, meditating…These are all ways that we refill our emptiness with beauty.

Self care is not a term a psychologist drops in a conversation when they want to sound intelligent.

It is just us taking time to look after ourselves in ways that no one else can.

“Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honour my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose to make self-care a priority. I choose me.” Daniell Koepke

What do you need in this season to find strength?

What about if looking after and loving yourself became the most amazing revolution that it affected everyone in your sphere of influence?

I am not talking about being selfish.

I am all about us working out what it is that we need and making it happen, because we are important.

Imagine, women taking time to find strength and hope by looking after themselves as much as they help others.

A revolution indeed.

Imagine if that was the legacy our children walked into.

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Finding your passion

 

It took me years to work out that one of my passions was writing. 

I finished a English literature degree, you say?

I still didn’t ever consider or think of myself as a writer.

I published a book that sold thousands of copies you say?

I still struggle to say that I am an author. 

I think finding a place where we are comfortable to really talk about our passions and dreams is a difficult one indeed. 

This year is the first year of my life, despite the wrestle that I am able to edit my biography with confidence.

This year is the first year when someone asks me what I am passionate about? I can clearly answer communication, media, spirituality, culture and creativity.

It has taken conversation after conversation, coffee after coffee and deep breath after deep breath for me to be able to clearly say what I love.

Today I picked up my manuscript once again, I changed the title, I edited more and I emailed a letter to a publisher again.

Writing and publishing books seem so glamourous but it is confrontingly lonely, it is rejection after rejection. It is mistake found in said manuscript after another. 

It is opinion after opinion, it is email after email yet twenty fifteen, I am facing you head on and living the life of my dreams.

I am going to knock on door after door, fix my writing, one editor at a time and keep moving forward towards my passions and purpose.

How about you?

What dream lays dormant?

Amanda Viviers

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wholeness, women and leadership

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If there is one thing I am passionate about it is young women who lead. I started my first business when I was fifteen years old and have always looked for people ahead of the journey than me to learn from.

I worried so often as a young leader whether I was good enough, whether I was too much, too loud, too disorganised. I struggled with my self image, I wanted to be liked by people. A journey of struggle, knowing I have always been out the front from a young age and destined to lead, but never knew if it was just too much passion, too many ideas and way too many opinions.

My friend Karina and I run a young women in leadership project with twenty girls under thirty. Leadership can be restricted to a set of rules, an understanding of what you are not allowed to do and a position that is given by someone in authority.

But what if our understanding of leadership in our modern society was so much more than this prescriptive approach.

What if women in leadership were not an anomoly?

What if girls were raised to believe they can lead and not be described as bossy?

What if we were okay with our femininity as leaders rather than pushing forward feminism?

I have seen women in leadership fall often into two quite clear categories.

1) ‘I’m here because someone forced me to be here.’

2) ‘I’m trying to prove myself, get out of my way.’

I believe we need to create a culture of wholeness surrounding women in leadership. Eliminating the need for people to feel like they have to prove themselves. Creating cultures where natural expressions of leadership no matter the gender is based in gifting, authenticity and grace.

A whole leader in my view is someone who is completely okay with their season and place. Someone who is not trying to prove themselves in a boys club. She is graced for the season she finds herself in, she is authentic and grounded in knowing who she is and who she is not.

She doesn’t spend her days trying to please everyone.

She speaks kindly and softly, bringing passion, colour and life to the conversations she happens upon.

She is strong yes, but she doesn’t have it all together.

She doesn’t compare herself to strangers on the internet or other women excelling in her field.

She doesn’t copy the ideas of those in her industry, she makes a way through her own intelligence and capacity and doesn’t make excuses for her unique insight and brilliance.

She is not afraid to say that she is beautiful.

Humility shrouds her words.

Creativity and grace is her gift to those closest.

Happy to say no and lift another up into an opportunity.

Excited to say yes, when she knows she has something to give.

Whole, healthy, strong, kind, perceptive, intuitive…

What an amazing picture of what women in leadership could truly possess.

Not competitive.

Bitchy.

Selfish.

Loud.

Hyperactive.

but grounded.

Whole.

Oh gosh this excites me for what future generations can walk into.

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Look up

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Look up dear friend,
There is more than you see.
Look up dear sister,
Those four lines contain lies.
Look up dear Mumma,
The bright lights of the device invade.
Look up dear leader,
Comparison is a thief.
Look up dear writer,
Google is not your creative friend.
Look up creative soul,
There is something so destructive about that blinking screen.
Look up.There is so much more.

Today I sat at the beach, relieved because I arrived early to an appointment. My inside voice said ‘ Yes, great. What’s happening on social media.‘ And I picked up my phone and mindlessly scrolled.

After a few minutes and an awareness of how special this time alone was, I heard another inside voice, one that is a little wiser say ‘ Look up. Look up.’

I took a deep breath.

And I did.

I put my phone away and saw the most beautiful view.

Water,

Boats,

People,

Fishermen,

Jetty’s

Children.

I Looked up.

I walked along the path towards the view and looked a lady straight in the eyes. We had a little chat.

Simple.

Exquisite.

A little reminder in my ordinary to put my phone away and…

Look up,

Amanda Viviers