Category: 366 days of novice motherhood

I sabotage my own attempts at change.

I don’t often realize it though.

Strange?

Yes, I am.

What about you?

I make a decision to change an area of my life like; no social media all day and by 9am I am back on Facebook.

I sabotage myself by convincing myself it’s okay. No one knows, it’s not hurting anyone, it’s okay.

Creatively though, sticking to deadlines and pushing through with discipline is an important part of our craft.

As a mother, sticking to rules and following them through is an important lesson in integrity that I model to my children.

As a wife, to be known as someone who fulfills her word builds trust.

So why do I fail miserably in some areas yet accomplish fabulous things in others?

I think emotional memories that are linked to coping strategies from when I was young.

I fail in similar areas because these areas are parts of my coping mechanisms formed as a young child.

Food for comfort, Addicted to what people think of me, Worry about who I am and what I’m living for.

They are just a few of my deep dark secrets.

Its because these coping mechanisms have been helping me for years to deal with stress, life, failure, disappointment. They secretly sabotage my attempts to change because they create comfort.

If I am uncomfortable, my emotions tell me I am in a bad way, therefore I will subtly try and deal with the discomfort.

However no major change ever happens easily. No major change happens without discomfort. No change happens without distress and digging deep.

Change is hard.

That’s why so many people never change.

I don’t want to be known as that person.

I want to get better at change for 2013

A

Christmas is barely over and my mind is straight away contemplating 2013.

I have had an amazing year of so many ups and downs, yet I am ready to make some changes to bring out my best for the new year.

Every year I have one moleskin journal that I reflect in about the year gone by.

Simple questions.
Simple reflection.

I have already decided I need time out from social media. I need to find a way to limit my time online because I have heaps of time alone with Max, it’s easy to live vicariously through the online world.

I also really want to get serious about shifting my baby weight, I’ve been exercising but really hit and miss with my eating.

They are the beginning of my reflections.

I believe change can’t occur quickly, we need to prepare for change.

One of the main reasons people fail their resolutions is that don’t prepare themselves for the change.

Writing all the reasons why if they don’t change the impact it will have. Preparing their house and family to support them in the changes. To make decisions that are achievable and easily maintained.

That is just the beginning of preparation
for change.

It’s our emotions that require the most preparation so we don’t sabotage ourselves.

Preparing over the next week.

7 days of preparation!

I am preparing for change.

A

Nothing could have prepared me for the complexity of emotions attached with child birth and rearing.

Years upon years I have dreamed about being ‘father christmas’ at midnight on ‘the eve’, I have imagined motherhood to be all roses, cuddles and giggles.

But then reality sets in. Teething, sickness, late nights of trying to get him back to sleep, eating poo episodes, do I go on?

It is so funny yet completely baffling that motherhood is nothing like I expected. It’s amazing but not in the way I imagined.

When I held my son for the first time, it wasn’t all tears and romance, I was literally in shock from the overwhelming vulnerability of it all.

It was vulnerable.

It was chaotic.

It was extreme.

Just like the birth of the Son of God, who was destined to change the course of history forever.

The son of Man who accepted our frailty and existed in poverty.

The chaos of humanity, mixed with the beauty of his holiness.

Messy.

That’s motherhood.

That’s life.

This child represented the fullness of God yet the fullness of humankind.

This child, lowly in a manger, brought life to many and was destined to take the weight of humanity on his shoulders.

But that story is for another season, today is all about the child.

The child in a manger

The child in a stable

The child in Bethlehem

The child who altered history irrevocably.

Just a little child, with the potency to bring peace on earth.

Merry Christmas friends, thanks for walking the journey with me.

I hope it’s helped your advent season be full of more meaning.

Love

Amanda

There is a doctor in this story. He features heavily right throughout the nativity story. A right standing citizen, a hard working man, a wise and scholarly man.

The doctor in the story of the nativity was the writer of the account of Christ’s birth.

His name was Luke and he documented the account.

See most people think that the Christmas story is just that a nice story yet I and millions of others believe the celebration of this account is not fiction.

Luke 1: 1 ‘Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled among us, 2 just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses and servants of the word. 3 With this in mind, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, I too decided to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, 4 so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.’

Tonight as we reflect on the eve of Christmas do you believe it’s just a nice story?

Or do you believe the truth of Luke’s account?

I do.

Merry nearly Christmas

Forever His

Amanda

This morning I watched my God daughter in her church nativity play and she was the donkey.

It cracked me up as I watched parents nervously pacing as their little sheep, stars, Joseph’s and Mary’s prepared for their starring role.

I was smiling because none of them knew the real star of the show was the donkey.

A little shy

Unassuming

Delightful.

She was brilliant.

She walked across the stage on her knees, she didn’t say a thing yet she was the star.

Apparently she tells me,

I was supposed to be the narrator Aunty Manda (insert her lead speaking role) but no one wanted to be the donkey. So I put my hand up and said I have a donkey costume and I’d prefer to be that anyway.

That’s why the donkey is my star.

No one else knew the back story, nor did they need too.

However this Christmas what if we were all the donkey?

You know the one who does the jobs that no one else wants too.

Taking out the rubbish
Doing the dishes
Speaking with the painful relative everyone ignores.

The donkey.

No one wants their claim to fame as being the donkey, but his role preceded the coming of the most wonderful day in all of history.

Everyone plays their part.

Even the donkey.

A