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okay? okay?

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Living in a wrecked kind of haze this week. Yesterday a story was told and today people responded and a little six year old boy got his first ever toothbrush.

Living today in the midst of human stories that are brilliant, snotty and heart aching at the same time.

I don’t know whether there is a message in the times or if I am seeking authentic stories and they keep finding me in a puddle of tears but I snuck off to the movies by myself this morning and was completely undone.

I am lucky it was the 10.30am session, with a spattering of people who together sat in the dark envelope of the theatre and cried endlessly.

The Fault in Our Stars, is the most breathtakingly real movie I have seen in a very long time.

It will take me weeks to unpack the explosion of inspiration in my heart, but mostly I came away with a sense of urgency to live life to the fullest with every moment given.

Live now, when opportunities arise, grasp them, don’t think too much just jump.

Moments can be fleeting or they can be pools of possibility inviting us to jump into their infinity.

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Time is fleeting and the life we are given speeds by, but at the same time some moments can last a lifetime and it is not the length of the moment but the opportunities grasped in the midst of it.

We can wait our whole life to truly live or we can go with the possibility and be ever changed.

Like my friend Beth this week. She was booked to fly to Berlin, but in one moment, she decided to throw that plan away and to stay and help.

To help someone in need.

To accept the possibility of one story.

To live beyond fear, what if and could this possibly be okay?

Who is waiting on the other side of our decision to have a go?

What story is waiting to be written by our courage shown to stop, listen and act?

By worrying about the what ifs, we can miss the potential in the moment.

“There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There’s .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I’m likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”

John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

I walk away from the last couple of days so grateful for every opportunity I have with my little family.

I feel determined to say yes, to the little stories that come my way (even when they are inconvenient) and I feel overwhelmed at the possibility to live a substantial life in the quiet of my own little place in this world.

I don’t want to live out loud.

I want to quietly live authentically to the beliefs that I hold.

Letting my yes be yes and my no be no.

Living beyond the fear that tries to contain me.

Aware of how truly blessed I am to have found love.

Grateful for every human story that I encounter and truly listen too.

To see every person not as a number but a possibility. To see every human not as their behaviour but the story behind the pain.

To see every moment with the potential of radical real life.

Authentically painful and brilliantly real at the same time.

I could keep on writing, sentences that probably don’t mean much to anyone else but me.

Go watch the movie.

Then breathe deep.

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That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.

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her story is our story

bethanyLet me introduce Bethany;

My friend, a young, passionate woman I have mentored and known personally for many years. The last two years have seen radical change in her life. She started a blog two years ago Not All Who Wander.

Capture readers have read her story here in many different ways, but today I have asked her to write a guest post about a real story, an everyday story from Greece, where she is working with women who have been trafficked into prostitution.

Her story is our story.

Be prepared to be wrecked.

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bethFor the past two months I have been in Greece working with churches and aide organisations. For the past two weeks I have been in Athens teaching English and documenting the stories of Refugees from Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, and Syria.

I am a story teller, a bower bird collector of human tales, a seeker of truth and I have been on a journey that has changed my life.

I have heard stories of boats being turned back to sea and people left to paddle with their shoes, I have met a teacher who has lost his whole family and remains on The Taliban’s wanted list for daring to bring education to village children in Pakistan, I have seen the scars left from bullet holes on a mans head who took shelter with an American soldier in Iraq.

I have cried. I have prayed. I have felt guilty for never caring to know. I have planned the ways I want to help. Ways to help when I get home, when I have more control over the variables. When it is safe.

Wednesday last week my time in Greece had come to an end, I was leaving the next day. I had my stories, I had my pictures, I would do with them what I could.

And then it happened, a woman, my friend walked in with a baby on her hip and told me there was one more girl who wanted to tell her story, I wasn’t prepared, I almost said no.

How could I have said no?

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It was her birthday, 24 years old, a year younger than me; a refugee from Afghanistan who had travelled across three countries in the back of a truck with 17 other people, no food or water, and then boarded a boat to Greece.

Once in Greece her smuggler locked her in a room and told her he wouldn’t let her out until she gave him all her money (she had saved 16,000Euro), she was free’d into the streets of Greece with nothing.

Over the next five years her husband had formed a heroin addiction and left her with three children, two under the age of two. After he left she was kicked out of the room they were renting.

For 2 months she lived in a park with nothing but a blanket to call her own, she would often be arrested by police for living there and then released the next day completely unheard when she asked for help from them. She now lives in a basement room where her baby gets sick from the mould and she pays the same amount each month as a whole apartment would cost if she had the right tax number to rent herself.

She has no food and no money for diapers or baby things. To try and make rent she wakes up every day and searches through the trash from 5am, hoping to find things to sell. She does not make enough; she is racking up a debt to the owner; soon she will be kicked out again.

“When I ask people for help, the men tell me they will help me only if I do something for them.” she looked me in the eye.

“Do you understand?” she asked.

I understood. We were living in the red light district, more than ever, I understood.

“I heard that you were here and I have come to you because nobody else will help. Please can you help me?”

Without thinking I heard myself promising I would help her.

Three generous friends, a bunch of flowers, a hamper full of baby items, and a purse full of money later, and we stood singing her happy birthday.

“This is the best birthday I have ever had,” she said. I couldn’t fathom that either.

We swapped contact details and I watched her leave. I was completely wrecked. I had not done enough. I could never do enough. I get to walk away. I get to go home, she doesn’t. Her children don’t.

And so I didn’t.

Myself and six people from my team of 17 decided to cancel our flights and stay for 10 more days to make good on my promise to help.

Over the next two days we met with her twice and yesterday we went to see where she was living. We now know she wants to learn English and Greek so she can get a job and her children can get an education.

Tomorrow we are going to a real estate agent to find her an apartment and rent it for her so she can come to English and Greek lessons and not have to spend her days searching through the trash.

But the story does not end there. It does not end with her, it does not end with me, the story can continue with you. And so I will extend the same invitation to you that she originally extended to me.

“Will you help me?”

Renting a house requires more money than I have, and maybe more than you have, but it is not more than we have together.

You can be part of the story by donating below or by sharing this post and extending the invitation to your friends.

Smile often,

Bethany
Written June 9th 2014, Greece.

(Photo one of Beth by Ellie Youngs, Photo of Beth in Warehouse by Ely Terriquez, third Portrait photo by Kirsten Sejersen)

To all my readers here on Capture30days.com, you can contribute straight to this family’s situation today through Paypal and all monies will go straight into this situation.








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A beautiful mess

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beautifulbeautiful mess one

The ambience, the mood, the arrangement of belongings is all very important to me when I start to create.

I want to sit down at an organised desk, a cafe hidden in the corner or in a space that is just right. Airy, light, a soft hum of good music and a cup of good coffee.

In a perfect scenario every bit of housework is done, a candle is lit and then I can start the creative project I am working on.

Enter real life.

These days that scenario never happens.

I am learning to create amongst the beautiful mess.

It doesn’t become an excuse not to clean or spend time sorting but I am learning that in a family of soon to be four, there will always be washing, there will always be dishes, I will find helicopters in my handbag and it makes me secretly smile.

I am learning to embrace the messiness.

Every time I think I have a routine down, my husbands roster changes and my son goes through a growth spurt.

Every time I sigh, glad to see the sink empty of dishes another plate lands there that was forgotten from a back room.

Every time I smile longingly at the bottom of the washing basket, a new load of old gym clothes surfaces from the back of the car.

Life.

It is messy.

But it can be beautiful.

How do we live inspired in the muddle of the mess?

How do we take a deep breath and not respond out of haste?

How do we find time to refresh and recalibrate?

This is my pursuit.

This is my desire.

To capture life at its fullest, yet to live authentically honest about the firetrucks I find under my carpet, that sting my feet.

This is why I write, this is why I search, this is why I come back here each day.

To continue to look for inspiration in the midst of the ordinary.

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Breathe in, breathe out

20140607-212006-76806151.jpgWell the time has come where my two year old has decided going to bed is the worst idea in the world.

Until three days ago, our routine was slick and I could get him to sleep in less than five minutes.

Then something changed.

His obsession with fire trucks maybe, his awareness of the world around him grew or a growth spurt…

Something changed, I know not what…and oh have we battled.

Last weekend in church the message was so great, it was all about living below our stress lines in life and what fills and drains us.

I walked into this week not feeling stressed at all and will walk out of it feeling like I am redlining.

Tonight after a two hour battle to get him to stay in bed I felt like a complete failure as a parent.

Yesterday I didn’t even want to write I was so deflated.

Then a few minutes ago, ready to give up my writing, (who can write when all you feel like doing is crying) I remembered my list.

What drains you?

What fills you?

Last Sunday after the message I wrote a list with my husband of what drains us and what fills us.

I started to recall those things on my list.

Flowers; a friend bought me flowers yesterday and my house has little pots of flowers all around.

Coffee and a magazine; Charl (my husband) bought me a magazine this week on his way home from work.

Time alone; charl is on nightshift and although it kinda sucks, I am in fact revelling in silence right now.

Writing; forcing myself right now and suddenly I am breathing deeper.

Worship music; check, tunes that bring life into my moments.

And my list went on.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

My perspective of Mothers of toddlers has drastically changed.

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change and to change that which I can.

Thanks for the reminder

Signing off, I have a movie to watch.

Speak tomorrow

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let your gentleness be evident

be gentle

Be gentle.

How often do we hear that phrase?

Hardly ever…

Our culture implores us to be bold, to be brave, to be successful, to be brilliant, to be excellent…

What about gentle?

Mostly, what about being gentle with ourselves.

I am now 33 weeks pregnant and I often find internal dialogue with myself, anything but gentle.

Yesterday, I was tired from a speaking engagement the night before and a radio interview in the morning. I had a two year old running around my feet, I had someone coming to be mentored, a pile of washing to boot and in the back of my mind ‘What possibly could I make for dinner that is inspired?’.

As I walked the washing out to the line, (rephrase: waddled the washing out to the line) I found myself tired, overwhelmed and so not wanting to hang out this heavy load.

I wasn’t gentle with myself, I was heavy worded, I was disheartened, I was tired.

As I stood at the line, hanging out three loads of washing, I reminded myself. ‘You are in your third trimester, you are doing your best, you are enough.’.

That change in inner dialogue, changed my whole perspective of that very moment.

Someone who is so used to getting twenty five things done in a day, was proud of getting the washing hung.

Somedays, just hanging the washing out and making a great environment in your home, is enough.

We need to be gentle with ourselves.

I love Philipians 4:5

It says this;

‘Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.’

To All.

That means everyone.

That means you.

Be gentle with yourself.

Especially in the days that follow a really big moment in your life. A big project finished, a task completed that has taken months, a conversation that was really intense.

Be kind and nurture that precious heart of yours.

Be gentle, tomorrow is another day.

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