Author: Amanda Viviers

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Yestember 2017

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Can you remember the first time you realised, that maybe you weren’t that good at something?

I think the older we get, the more tentative we become, aware of our failures, aware of our imperfections and moments where we just get stuck. Our relationships are the first to be affected when we are worried about what other people think.

Very quickly, we start to question and doubt our abilities. We start to shut down. Without even realising it, we have backed ourselves into a corner and played the movie forward and so often we just end up saying no.

As children, we change from these young girls, who dance freely around the kitchen whenever music is played, to women who are uncomfortable that we may look silly or childish or, even worse, fat.

As young girls, we play up to the camera, wanting someone, anyone to take our photo. We smile and we play, then one day we become shy and worried about whether we are good looking enough? Is what we are wearing okay? What will others think of us?

As young women, we cook with delight, making awful breakfasts for our Mums in bed, with burnt toast and cold coffee, all the while being so proud. As we grow older we become afraid of inviting guests over for dinner, because our food isn’t up to a master-chef standard.

We draw and scribble outside of the lines as a toddler and preschooler. Then we hear negative words, one after another; that we shouldn’t paint the sky purple, that girls must like butterflies and boys trucks, and our self-worth, year after year, becomes squashed into a place of perfection.

The little girl who decorates her room with scarves and colours, dressing up her Barbie dolls with bright colours, building teepees and forts out of rugs…becomes afraid to invite anyone over to her house because it might not look like those amazing homes on Insta- gram or Pinterest.

We start to say no to new opportunities out of fear and we progressively shut down our lives until we’re in a place of comfort. I believe there are times in our life that we just need to make a crazy change and begin to do things that we have never done before. Old ways won’t open new doors. Sometimes you just need to throw caution to the wind and say yes.

That’s what this book is designed to provoke by using the thread called Yestember: say- ing yes to things we would not normally do.

Stretching our comfort zones, meeting new people.

Seeing your life with new eyes.

“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”

Isaiah 43: 19

So here is what I am asking you to do. Set aside September as an opportunity to say yes. And look out for tomorrow’s dare here and on all my social pages.
If you want to get ahead and find a list of all of them before you commit (smile), they can be found in my latest book Dear Single Self, that you can buy here in paperback version $20 delivered globally or the E-version downloadable from Amazon here.
Let me know in the comments below if you are joining us, so we can encourage one another.
Amanda
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how social media is not making us social

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There is something about social media lately that has been irritating me more than usual. I can’t scroll by the hate that is spewing from my computer any longer. Especially the sites that categorise themselves as social.

How is your relationship with the media lately?

Erik Qualman says it quite perfectly;

We don’t have a choice whether we do social media, the question is how well we do it.

Whether it be the debate around equality, the brewing tensions in North Korea and the world. The overwhelming hatred that pours forth around Islam and refugees and the debacle that is outworking itself in the leadership of the United States.

Then you come home to more local issues, friends spewing forth vitriol over other friends. Family members using platforms to debate one another and churches manipulating their members through campaigns.

Social Media is far from social and we need strategies to be able to find our way through the mess.

THOUGHTS I HAVE BEEN EMPLOYING TO RE-SOCIALISE MY SOCIAL PAGES

  1. Do more things that make you forget to look at your phone
  2. Download an app that tells you how many hours a day you are using your phone
  3. If you feel angry, overwhelmed or sad take 24 hours before responding online
  4. Employ the tactic, would I say this on a stage in front of 1,000 people? If so, go ahead and write it. If not, then phone a friend.
  5. Have a switch off time policy and a turn on time policy.

The pressure we feel culturally to constantly be accessible, to be answering each other’s requests and demands is not sustainable.

You have to find a way to employ wisdom in the addictive nature of this forum.

If you are struggling within the culture of this part of our lives, message me, comment here and together let’s hold one another accountable to living more socially.

Disconnect.

Unplug.

Re-engage with people in your everyday.

Get outside.

This will make all the difference.

I promise.

Amanda

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The Art of Reminding Ourselves How Far We Have Come

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A little black moleskin journal has travelled with me on many a plane trip. It has been tucked in my back pocket as I walked distant places and lately, it has gotten a little dusty. One could say even cynical. The elastic has stretched out of shape. A little like my body. The edges are a little worn and bent out of shape. A little like my heart.

There is something so comforting, however, to sit with the letters I have penned to myself over fifteen years.

Last week in the trenches of school holidays and winter, my husband asked me to do something really simple. He said “Babe, write a list of all your wins this year. Everything; your parenting wins. Your writing achievements. The times when you said yes when everything in you wanted to say no, you know all the little things.”

And so I did.

I wrote all the things that made me smile. Like the moment when we finally got our daughter back on the toilet and my sons face when he started Tae Kwon Do. Planting herbs in our very own garden. my list went on and on. Simple, private little wins that only our family could have celebrated. As I sat on our bed, with my list written on a simple piece of paper, a smile rose from within.

Just one step closer. One foot in front of the other. Finding perspective in the midst of letting go. Again.

The next day I went on a treasure hunt to find this journal. Each year on the 31st of December since 2004, I have written a word that describes and sums up the year just gone.

Words like;

Tough

Inconsistent

Rewarding

Peace

Intense

Stretching

Dreams Realised

Hope

Dislocated

Distracted

Vulnerability

Grounded

As I remembered all the different seasons that have come and gone over the last fifteen years and the art of remembering moments of victory and the feeling of utter lostness blossomed across the tension of years.

Prayers answered,

Prayers left hanging.

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Space and time help us to remember moments where we were rescued in the midst of our trembling ways. Depth and story reconnect us with the breadth of what really is important. The art of reminding ourselves of how far we have come. Memorial stones of faithfulness where we have travelled the valleys and landing in spaces where the majesty of the One who has gone before us and brought his weaving colour in the midst of our canvas.

In this little memory keeper, I write every year the lesson learned. I also write the high point of the year, the low point of the year. Then I write myself a little note to remember.

A long time ago a leader, a fearless man named Joshua, came to a place when he was spent. He had seen years upon years of war, famine and fighting. They had waited for forty years to see the realisation of their hopes and toil. Miracle after miracle. The story that begot story after story. The rolling stone of faithfulness in the midst of season upon season, that could have easily been forgotten once revelling in the promised land.

So this leader of thousands commanded his troops to set upon a mountain top twelve stones, so that generation after generation would never forget the faithfulness of the one who had rescued, came close and stood from afar. He asked twelve leaders to carry memorial stones up mountains and place them one upon the other. So future generations we look at them and ask why were those stones there and what is their purpose.

The art of reminding ourselves how far we have come.

Do you feel dislocated?

Do you feel unsure?

Do you feel disconnected?

Find a way to reconnect with the stories, tales and adventures across of long period of your life and remind yourself of how far you have come. Reconnect back with your story from fifteen years ago. Remember what it was like back then and set yourself a memorial stone.

Then turn towards the future remembering the times that you have overcome and breathed deep in the satisfaction of a new season. This winter, find your voice my dear friend and remind yourself of how far you have come.

It is a powerful way to recalibrate your tomorrow. With the memory of the ways, you have been shaped by your yesterday.

Amanda

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Finding strength through the pain of growth

Pain and Growth

Lately, pain has been my constant companion. It has crippled me in ways that I am unable to explain. Just the thought of putting myself out there again is in some ways unbearable. I’m not writing this for your sympathy or attention but I have been searching and seeking some respite in the form of courage.

Have you ever had a season where pain has found you like a long lost friend?

Google has been my doctor. I’ve sat in his waiting room seeking guidance and comfort. Friends have become my refuge. With heaviness sitting awkwardly between us. My thoughts have been laced with cynicism and finding the discipline to reframe their weightedness has been harder than ever before.

Late last year I remembered my state of confusion when it seemed I had lost the capacity to feel. I had numbed myself to the pain, but in doing so I lost the human vehicle designed to feel the heights and beauty of a life lived sown.

Twenty Seventeen began as my season of learning to feel again. Rather than escaping the pain that had followed my previous year, I found safe spaces to process the pain, through to a space of feeling again.

At the beginning of the year, I gave found one word that I was seeking focus and intention around for the year. This word was “Strength”.

Strength. What God you want me to find strength this year?

Strength. What in a season that I feel the weakest ever?

Strength, how? When all I can do is keep myself from going under?

Strength, I am.

Strength, I seek.

Strength, Beyond my own capacity.

Just recently in the midst of this saunter through self-discovery and grace, I realised that maybe all those angry feelings that had been exploding out, all over my life. Maybe those feelings were the expression of things I had held captive in a season of pain. Maybe when I was told I should be quiet and not to cause strife. When I wanted to focus on the right things rather than the wrong and discover myself again.

Anger expressed made me feel weak. But strength was uncovered when it was directed at the right cause.

Cynicism and disappointment discovered made me feel shameful. But they were placated when the true source of their hindrance was uncovered.

Confusion and frustration snuck up from behind and tapped me on the shoulder. But a counsellors couch clarified that my feelings of betrayal and isolation were in fact very valid and my voice mattered.

Just as muscles need to rip to swell into their place of strength and breadth, maybe the recovery of my true voice and calling again needed to be found at the bottom of a pit of vulnerability. In a place where I felt so unable, that I reached out for help again.

Growth is awkwardly uncomfortable and I have realised that learning to feel again is a place of discovery.

We never arrive.
Vulnerability asks that we are honest.
The secret place of wisdom asks us, however, that we find safe spaces to learn to dream again.

Oh Pain, I am learning that I need to face you and hold your hands.

Because growth is accompanied by pain and I never want to stop learning.

Twenty Seventeen you will not be my undoing, in fact, you could possibly be my finest hour.

Growth, I will embrace you and find forgiveness in the depth of your arms.

Amanda

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Where is love? Creative tribes, copying and lessons I learnt from my own sister.

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I have a sister, a brother and they together are my greatest encouragers. My sister owns two businesses, she has authored her own children’s book and is one of the most generous people I know. My brother is a high school woodwork teacher, a football coach and fiercely loves his teenage son.

Lately, I have been listening to some of my mentoring clients tell me horror stories about collaboration and creativity. It’s not a coincidence that I have been seeing the rise of the “pack mentality” grow online and confusion around how to participate in this sphere of entrepreneurial life.

One client said to me “I walked into this workshop and every person was wearing the same thing. I stuck out like a sore thumb. It was like I missed the memo, the dress code and then it dawned on me everyone was trying to be like each other.” It was a copyright disaster waiting to happen.

Have you witnessed messy consequences from creative communities who try to be like each other?

Have you ever felt disqualified from a tribe because of being different?

Where is the love?

The way I see it, the creative sisterhood can be surmised by lessons I have learnt from having my very own little sister. Comparison, competition and the expectations of collaboration can weigh us all down heavily.

Three thoughts about creativity, copying and tribe from my sister.

1.”Unity does not require Uniformity, just a heart that says yes to love.”

The Miriam Webster Dictionary describes love this way

“Unselfish, Loyal and Benevolent”

Benevolent is an amazing word that means to have concern for the good of another. What if creative tribes and the sisterhood of women was celebrated by the expression of our own unique voice as a powerful tool in empowering those around us to thrive. A thriving atmosphere is one that believes there is enough room for everyone at the table. As an older sister, I often spent my days trying out things that my sister had not yet experienced. There were some seasons when I revelled in this, but as I grew, as I matured, I realised that it was actually my role as a big sister to prepare the ground and create opportunities for my little sister to do things beyond anything I ever could. Imagine if families celebrated benevolence rather than created cultures of competition?

It is a very slight change in perspective, but creating space for those around us is a great sign of maturity.

Unity within the tribe does not equal uniformity. Sometimes we expect a uniform before we let others join the circle, but what if we drew the unexpected into surrounds and created encouragement circles. My little sister was always so different to me, but I never tried to make her like me. I celebrated her unique voice and contribution to the world.

2. “Find your own unique sound”

Have you ever had a younger sister?

Have you ever had someone close to you who wants to do everything that you do?

It can be tiring. As a writer I spend my days developing, discovering and refining my voice. I write and write and then write some more. Thousands upon thousands of hours have gone into the thoughts I have been refining. I think a big danger that we now have with the online world, is we can express our thoughts when they are still developing and it is in that place of vulnerability that chaos reigns. As we grow and mature we pick up different threads from different influence’s and it is in that place that we discover our voice and who we are. It is very easy though to watch and stalk the people that we are wanting to be like. However, in that place of emulation, we can quickly lose the true tone of our own voices because we mimic those we are following. As a writer, especially when I am in the seeking phase for new ideas, I don’t read many other blogs. I read lots of books, I journal and write. I think Pinterest is a shallow space for inspiration.

Inspiration needs to come from our own experiences, our own stories and our own voice. When we write something that connects deeply with our own experience it cuts through the noise of the online world and brings an authentic tone. Authenticity is not something that is taught, it is the difference between a real experience and doing something because someone else is or a formula says to do so.

If we are in a phase of learning and exploring, just like my little sister would tag along and watch everything, I mean everything that I did. There has to come to a stage, where you step out from the shadow of those that inspire you and step into your own voice. To sing your own song, to celebrate your own set of unique gifts and to find your own voice.

There is something so gracious about the gift of autonomy. My sister and I were known as the Powell girls growing up, but no matter the season we have gone through we have been extremely close but always allowed each other the gift of autonomy. Which essentially is the freedom to live our own journey and life.

3. “Follow people who are different to you”

Creativity begets creativity. Jump over to your social media stream after finishing here and slowly look through who you follow and ask yourself this simple question…

Are they all from the same genre? Do they all look the same? Who is different?

My sister and I had very different friends. Even though we grew up in the same house, with the same culture, we had extremely different taste in styles and approaches to life.

We are extremely different and our Mum never tried to make us the same. One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to hang out with people who are different to you. And then when you do, don’t change to be like them. Celebrate difference, celebrate uniqueness and discover and then look inward into your own story again.

When you are looking for ideas, start with your own stories, your own inspirations and your own writing. Take photos, express your view on the world and begin with your story.

This whole area can be extremely tricky but there is so much about tribes that are good, that I don’t want the little annoying parts to get in the way. So if you have been struggling with this maybe its time to get off technology and write with paper again?

Maybe it’s time for you to stop scrolling for inspiration and sitting deep in a place of contemplation and prayer for your own journey?

And more than anything discover your own unique journey.

Your own unique voice and your own discovery of the lessons that are awaiting you in the future.

Express love for those who are in your creative sphere and make room for those who are coming. Also deeply create room and freedom for those to develop their own voice and expression. Unity does not equal uniformity, find your own unique sound and follow people who are different to you.

What lessons have you learnt from your sister?

Amanda Viviers

We have just launched a local event to the Rockingham region called The Winter Creative Festival and bookings are going fast, come and check it out and collaborate with people locally who are really different to you.