Boundaries are not the easiest thing to institute when you are a reformed people pleaser. Add into this equation that one of your strengths is achieving and it is easier to solve everyone else’s problems and procrastinate with your own. If I am to lean into the dreams I have for my future, which includes writing and publishing then I need to set boundaries and be brave with them.
I have an acronym that lately has been forming my work and family life balance. It makes up the word BRAVE. I found part of it from a podcast that I have listened to more than five times over the last month. And I have added my own little version to the end.
I have been taking time to remember what boundaries are important in my life. As I lean into July and the second half of the year I sat and did my own one-hour RESET retreat. Reminding myself of the goals I set at the beginning of the year when I pressed PAUSE. There were very specific goals that I set for my work life and family life that I needed some reminders of.
- Taking time for myself to rest and reflect.
- Not allowing people to be time stealers but at the same time being generous in moments that are divinely appointed.
- Understanding other peoples needs but also my own.
- Setting boundaries around social media and long text messages.
- Holding my ground in places of energy drain.
- Reframing the messages I am sending myself.
What boundaries do you need to set in this next season?
As a leader, wife and mother I am learning the power of consistent small conversations so that I can be reliable to those who are closest. I was taught something a long time ago which really impacted my leadership journey. It was to under promise and over deliver. As a people pleaser it is easier at the moment to promise the world and then under deliver. So when the moment that life brings, I am learning to say less but when I give my best yes to surrender completely. Giving my focus to gatherings of people like my writing retreats and a small group of friends.
Are you reliable to the promises and commitments you make?
Last week my husband and I had a hard conversation. We were talking about money and my current stress load, leaning into the next quarter. It wasn’t an easy conversation but it was so worthwhile. I have noticed a funny culture being created in our online worlds. That we are more vulnerable to those who live on the other side of the world, through private messages and online conversations. However, we don’t have the hard conversations that hold us accountable to those under our own roof.
Who is in your circle that holds you accountable?
I have learnt that I can easily talk about others, instead of talking about myself. It is easier to throw others under the bus, rather than bringing it back to our own needs, growth and imperfections. Lately, I have been really trying to be a vault for my friends and their conversations. It is hard in a world that promotes openness as a lifestyle, but I am remembering as a leader that when someone else is sharing someone else’s story (that is not theirs to tell) it probably means they will share yours too.
Are you a vault to the stories of others?
If you follow along any of my online spaces, you would have picked up a tone of defeat lately. There have been some significant algorithm changes, but also a culture of passivity has set it. The people I really want to start conversations that matter to I am finding a massive radio silence. It has made me assess my relationship with Social Media. At the same time I have just decided to start encouraging people. I want to be a voice that people feel the encouragement that they so desperately desire. I don’t want anyone to walk away from a conversation with me, either online or in person and not feel encouraged.
BRAVE in friendship.
BRAVE in my marriage.
BRAVE in my family.
BRAVE in my writing.
Who wants to live BRAVE with me. Setting boundaries, being reliable, open to accountability, a vault with precious stories and living a life of encouragement.